A Huss-say: John Hayes & The AKC

A Huss-say

John Hayes & the AKC


Dearest Oops … you naïve son-of-a-bitch, you – I’m gonna have fun with this reply. Zip up your fly, grab the arms of your Easy Rider LaZboy and hold tight.

The standards in NO way guarantee temperament or demand that a dog be able to perform its traditional function – that the Chesapeake be able to swim and fetch, for example.

An organization created to protect the purity of dog bloodlines has become . . . misguided in its view of ‘quality’ and guilty of encouraging destructive forms of inbreeding that have robbed dogs of traditional skills and left them vulnerable to crippling disease. Don’t know about you, but I feel like we’ve been bamboozled and our “only course of action is Class Action.” You need to call Attorney Dan Newlin – Dan, I think I know him personally, advertizes on cable TV locally and claims that he has “recovered millions for his clients.” Started as a Deputy Sheriff and now has a legal empire to rival Morgan and Morgan! Call Dan – He’s our man!

How so?

1. The American Kennel Club defines quality in a dog primarily on the basis of appearance. Hey … It’s the American Kennel Club. We live in America, home of the mediocre and land of the bottled, scalpel-sculpted, bulimic beauties. Scant attention is given to such other canine characteristics as health, temperament, and working skills. Over the years this policy has led to destructive forms of inbreeding – Inbreeding? OMG – Think the British Royal family and then let’s talk about the value of inbreeding. – that have created dogs capable only of conforming to human standards of beauty. Many can no longer perform their traditional tasks – herding, tracking, hunting – while more than a few cannot live outside a human-controlled environment. Great Scot – We have the dogs right where we want them … they’re totally dependent on us. Stamp out mutts, mongrels and Heinz 57s. They’re gonna fuck up our ability to control – and quite possibly start a Canine Revolution. Think “Planet of the Dogs” and we’ll bring back “From my cold dead hands,” Charlton Heston as the lead. I think he’s in a Cry-o-vac freezer with Walt Disney

• AKC Irish Setters have been inbred for show quality conformation to the point that they are often ridiculed as being “so dumb that they get lost on the end of their leash.”  Hey, we gotta have something to pick on. Look at their eyes … they’re too close together. My dad once told me to never date a girl with her eyes too close together or too far apart. That was a part of his “Birds & Bees” talk.

• The Cocker Spaniel has not competed in field trials since 1965, having lost its ability to hunt. The Cocker is really brilliant. They have discovered that the field trials are just that – field trials. They don’t count. Show me a smart Cocker and I’ll show you a Cocker that’s sitting in my LaZboy watching my TV eating my CheezDoodles.

• In the 1950s show zealots turned the German Shepherd into a weak-hipped animal with a foul temper and bizarre downward-sloping hindquarters. Hip-hip-hooray. Those were mean assed don’t fuck with me dogs in the Big One – WWll.

• Many of the toy breeds are so small and fragile that they cannot live outside artificial environments. Now these guys we need to send outside enmasse. The world would be a better place without these miserable little shits running around it. We should use these little fuckers as snacks for our real dogs!

• The Bulldog and the Boston Terrier have difficulty whelping naturally, because of the breeds’ exaggerated heads, and bitches are regularly subjected to Cesarean sections. Who wants to see stretch marks on a Bulldog or a Boston terrier? I’ll betcha the number of Cesarean births in human type women has risen incredibly in cultures where they no longer squat over a fire for childbirth.

• In Australia the Kelpie, which is considered a rival to the Border Collie in the management of sheep, became the darling of the show ring in the 1930s and within three decades had nearly lost its herding instinct. Now this is a problem – I think the real question is “why do you want to manage sheep?” I ask you – sheep have a reputation for being good at shepherd fucking, mutton stew, crappy itchy wool sweaters and starting range wars in 1950s American westerns. If it weren’t for sheep and “sod busters,” we wouldn’t have the classic movie line, “Shane – come back, Shane.”

2. Because it benefits financially from the registration of dogs produced and sold commercially, the American Kennel Club has failed to take a stand against the puppy mills and pet stores that exploit purebred dogs. It will neither refuse to register those animals – although many dogs, produced and sold under inhumane conditions, are of questionable pedigree and genetic fitness – nor cooperate with authorities seeking to regulate them. It’s a function of capitalism to totally destroy the resource and the product and then simply move on. Maybe the AKC should change their focus and name, then move into rodents, rabbits and turtles – The ARC or the ARaC (not to confuse rodents with rabbits) or the ATC.

• Puppy-mill dogs are poorly socialized. The crucial periods for puppies to form human contact are six to twelve weeks and again from four to six months. Without that, they often have behavioral problems. These will become the juvenile delinquents and gang members of the canine strata – the wild pack dogs. Maybe we should give them “colors” and sic them on the inhuman human gangs in all our cities. Most puppies sold through stores are more than three months old and have missed the first of these periods. I needed to miss the first three periods with my mother. I didn’t and look what happened to me!

• At most stores puppies (not to mention kittens) receive no medical care and can suffer from worms, dehydration, and malnutrition, in addition to genetic defects. Animals that are sickly and remain unsold are sometimes killed and thrown away Hell, Oops – in the 20s any human newborns with birth defects were called “shelf babies” because the docs tossed them on the shelf in the delivery room and waited for them to die a “natural death.”

• Critics charge that the AKC has refused to take an active stand against commercial exploitation because it derives more than 70 percent of its annual income from the registration of litters and dogs. That money, they point out, supports all AKC activities, including those in behalf of dog shows and trials, which promote appearance – conformation to an idealized breed standard – as the essence of quality. Screw the dog shows and AKC activities. It’s a multi-billion dollar industry that has hired 100s of people and pays huge salaries to their own top 2% — think of the economic impact when we’re trying to build jobs. The AKC should be pressured to raise their rates and hire more people.

In the AKC,” one official has noted, “the dog becomes an object. People get dogs, don’t use them, and then selectively breed them for characteristics other than work. As an American, I didn’t get my dogs to “work” them. I got them for status. However – there is a group in our American society led by Michael Vick who did buy dogs to “work” them and look what happened to that poor bastard – prison, bankruptcy, forced to grovel before white liberal mush heads, lost 2 years in the NFL – NFL, now there’s a “fight club.”

William F. Stifel, a former President of the American Kennel Club, was once asked whether the AKC would register a blind, deaf, three-legged purebred pup with hip dysplasia and green fur.

Stifel’s blunt response? “We would register the dog. AKC unfortunately does not mean quality.” It was the “green fur” that was the key point – individuality – and the color green – money – Benjamins – cold, hard, cash.


But what about Tzuri, you ask? Nah – never occurred to me.

Do I have any assurance that she will be a worthy representative of her breed? Hayes – fuck her “breed” – she will be worthy of you and you will be worthy of her. She will force you to be/stay/act young and she will return loyalty, no agenda love every time she sees you. Let her slurp you with that lovely pink tongue that has explored regions of her body that only us guys wish we could explore on our own bodies – don’t think – act and love. Peace, Bro. She’s a Honey with a capital H.

Just another “Huss-say” for you – 9/11/13

🙂 🙂 🙂

To Be Continued…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s