Jehovah’s Witness Coed Cheats On Exam, Pastafarian Professor Forgives Her

It’s difficult to cheat on an open-book multiple choice test.  But yesterday an online student accidentally emailed me prima facia evidence of just such a snafu, prompting the following conversational thread.

INSTRUCTOR: Please tell me how you happen to be in possession of the Instructor’s Test Bank with all the test questions and correct answers?

STUDENT: What’s the Instructor’s Test Bank???

INSTRUCTOR: Open your last journal submission and look at what you sent me. You included the Instructor’s Test Bank questions for Ch. 13 along with your journal paragraph. To have the answers to the test is cheating.

STUDENT: Oh my goodness!!! Wow! …. I guess any apologies now should not even be taken into consideration or accepted. I take all of the blame. If you fail me then that would be okay, or should I withdraw from the class? I guess I just wanted to get my courses over with; I was hurrying so much that night to get my work done that I decided to search the answers up, because I’m always in a rush. That is no way for me to act in such a way. That shows so much disrespect to your teaching on my part, and I apologize dearly. Please do not accept my apology, I do not deserve it. I should be ashamed of myself. Thank you for pointing out what I had done. I don’t deserve the grade I have now. I don’t even know what to do now…. I considered myself as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, and yet I lie and cheat behind someones back… I have put a serious and bad reputation on God’s name. I don’t think I can ever live this down… I have no excuses…. I truly am sorry professor.

What did I do?  Well, I ain’t watched all those cop shows for nothin’.  I flipped her, got her to name names, rat out her sources.

INSTRUCTOR:  Thank you for accepting responsibility. Before I decide what to do, please help me understand something… Is it possible to google online somehow and find those answers? Is there a particular site that sells them, perhaps?

STUDENT:  Yes! I usually refer to the text book when I’m stuck on something, but once in a while I will google the question. But I rarely ever get an answer. For some reason, when I googled a question for this quiz, it came up as a word documented link and had almost all of the answers on the quiz.

I have sent an attachment of a jpeg image of where I found the answers. Here is the link…

The website underneath the highlighted one, called quizlet, is also a good source for students to get answers! Not sure how much is on that site, but that is one I would definitely check out as well.

I’m so very sorry professor!!

INSTRUCTOR:  Okay, thanks. I am only going to give you a zero for that one test, so it won’t affect your overall grade too much, particularly if you do well on the final essay.

STUDENT:  Again, I am sorry professor, but I am glad that it happened. I guess my conscience became nulled when it came to cheating on the quizzes. Perhaps this would reawaken my conscience. I am very sorry.

Thank you so much for being merciful!

Should I tell her that I forgave her in the name of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?


😉 😉 😉

14 Replies to “Jehovah’s Witness Coed Cheats On Exam, Pastafarian Professor Forgives Her”

  1. It seems to me being a Pastafarian in Earnest (The Importance of Being) is a great deal of work, possibly one of its primary tenents. There appears, from their website page, to be much required in disavowing and rearranging of previous efforts by non-Pastafarians of various pursuits and lineage, and not so much laying out of philosophies of their original own. But in truth, I didn’t read all the literature. Nor did I get as far as the part where you must be Armenian in order to be properly accepted into the Pastafarian fold. Or Rastafarian.
    The Jehovah’s Witness chick shows promise for a lucrative government career, network journalist, Park Ranger, or really good housefrau.
    I’m glad you caught her out, scolded her, and that she suffered a grade loss for her misdeed. I pray it will take her on a more noble path.


    1. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is, of course, a total spoof, dadaistic in style, in spite of protestations to the contrary from their website:

      “With millions, if not thousands, of devout worshippers, the Church of the FSM is widely considered a legitimate religion, even by its opponents – mostly fundamentalist Christians, who have accepted that our God has larger balls than theirs.”

      “To outsiders it makes us hard to define, but here are some general things that can be said about our beliefs:

      1. We believe pirates, the original Pastafarians, were peaceful explorers and it was due to Christian misinformation that they have an image of outcast criminals today
      2. We are fond of beer
      3. Every Friday is a Religious Holiday
      4. We do not take ourselves too seriously
      5. We embrace contradictions (though in that we are hardly unique)”

      😉 😉 😉


  2. Jeez, don’t you just hate it when your conscience becomes nulled? I seem to remember a few students with nulled consciences myself! And you were indeed merciful!


  3. Extremely clever philosophical solution and resolution. Can someone taking your course be a Jehovah’s Witness? I would think the two persuasions would null themselves out. O_o


    1. Yeah, anyone can sign up. But most of my students (even non-JW’s) proudly say their mind is already rock-solid and in no way are they ever going to entertain a new idea.

      I often wish I could arrange a fake ‘rapture’ and convince all fundamentalists to leap from tall buildings on their way to those streets paved with gold. 😉


  4. I have taught college math for twenty years at a two-year comunity college. One student missed a test. He was a part of the state police force and was chasing bod guys. He needed the course to enroll in the police academy. He was doing “A” work. Giving him a zero for the test would have brought his grade down to “C.” I did not think that was fair. I gave him an “A” for the couse. College professors can give their own grades.

    On the Jehovah’s Witness case. I believe it was properly treated.
    She came clean and earned my respect. The fact of accepting responsibilty is paramount in college handling.

    I would have given her some more Biblical counseling. It was a tough case for a teacher. I once had the opp[ortunity to cheat. I was taking graduae MBA courses. As a teacher I was allowed in the copy room for my own work. I came across some material for a very difficult course on Simmplex. I could have taken the materials home and did the work to find the answers.

    As a Jehovah’s Witness, I took a different approach. I said to myself that I had “A”s for my work. I thought of how Jehovah would think about it. If I could not get an “A” honestly, then I’ll get what I get and be proud of it. As it turned out, I got an “A” anyway and an “A” for the course.

    Jehovah values people who are faithful under test and temptation. That makes his heart glad as he has a answer for him who is taunting Him.(Proverbs 27:11)


    1. “I gave him an “A” for the course. College professors can give their own grades.”

      College courses at accredited institutions operate on the “syllabus system.” The syllabus spells out student requirements and course operating procedures, such as the acceptable situations for making up missed assignments, for example – and, for that matter, what constitutes cheating and what the penalties are for various infractions. A syllabus is a “legal contract” and to show preference by deviating from it can open one up to a lawsuit. That’s part of what keep failing students from fucking their professors to get a passing grade.

      “I would have given her some more Biblical counseling.”

      Yes, I should have tried to convince her to muster up the courage to wrest herself free from an evil cult. But that would be confusing religion and state, wouldn’t it? Not that it would have likely done much good, such counseling. The psycho-pathologies that drive a weak and vulnerable person to such a state of irrational dependence are the very ones that also prevent her from thinking critically and responsibly enough to penetrate the lies and the distortions.

      Although, at least one of the bloggers who hit the “like” button above has not only separated herself from the abuses of Jehovah’s Witnesses, but has written about it as well.

      “As a Jehovah’s Witness, I took a different approach.”

      Think of the most moral, the most kind, the most righteous act a person of faith can make. Then ask yourself, could not a person of non-faith do the same thing? Now think of the most wicked, horrible, repulsive act that a human being can and has engaged in. I would defy you to claim that that very same act has not already been committed by a religious person IN THE NAME OF their faith.

      BTW: In my classroom I love to teach religion and I am always courteous and respectful. I tell them at the outset that they will NEVER know what my personal religious viewpoint is, because that is irrelevant to their education and to my goal of challenging them to evaluate both sides of an issue and make judgments for themselves.

      But on my own blog site I have no obligation to be politically correct. I insist on labeling a fucking evil (religious cults) a fucking evil.

      Professor of Humanities.

      “A very popular error, having the ‘courage of one’s convictions.’ Rather, it is a matter of having the courage for an attack upon one’s convictions.” – Nietzsche


    1. I agree, and I accept her apology as genuine. What bothers me, however, is what I think I read between the lines. She comes close to saying that she feels unworthy and rotten to the core when a much more healthy approach would be to say, I am a good person but I did a bad thing. Religious cults prey on that rottenness feeling.


      1. That is true. Sometimes much of what someone perceives is through a certain lens no matter if it is a wonderful thing or not so wonderful thing – seems especially true for those who are deeply religious. For a young person too you wonder whose words they are actually saying – their own or the recording instilled in their head.


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